5 things I wish I had asked for my cesarean birth

My first four kids were all born vaginally.  I never even allowed consideration for a cesarean.  When my OB with my fourth suggested planning for a cesarean with him because, and I quote, “women often have c-sections with their fourth,” I scoffed.  Not me.  No way.  There wasn’t even a section on my birth plans that discussed what I would want in the case of a cesarean.  It was beyond my ability to even allow the possibility.

Then I got pregnant with my fifth child.  At 32 weeks I mentioned to my friend that she felt like she was kicking her way out of my cervix, to which she replied that sounded like she was breech.  What? Breech?!  I don’t know why I hadn’t even connected the dots that feet at my cervix and head at my ribs were not where my baby should be!

I began to do everything I could to help convince her she wanted to be head down:  every form of an inversion I heard of (legs up the wall, laying head down on my back on a leaning ironing board, on shoulders and knees with my butt in the air…), moxibustion, hot/cold packs, music and flashlights at the bottom of my belly, meditation, gentle affirmations to my baby that she could flip herself…  The only thing that I didn’t do (that I regret not doing) was going to a chiropractor.

At 36 weeks, my OB looked me straight in the face with the most frank, non-compassionate voice ever and said, “We’ll just do a c-section then.”  I walked to my car and broke down in tears.  I did not want a cesarean.  I was heartbroken.  I had all these dreams of how I would bring my last child into this world and a cesarean was nowhere in them.

At 38 weeks after a failed external version, they scheduled me for a cesarean the next week.  I am at least grateful I had time to plan for it, physically and emotionally.  I talked to friends with cesareans and asked about their experiences and what I should ask for at mine.  I went to my new OB (yes, I switched OBs at 37 weeks because if I had to have a cesarean, I wanted a caring OB who understood I was not happy about it) and talked about options.  I asked for:

• my arms not to be restrained
  
• music to listen to
  
• water to spray in my mouth if it got dry
  
• ice chips to chew on the morning of
  
• an extra person in the room besides my husband
  
• permission for my husband to take pictures
  
• immediate skin-to-skin contact
• and delayed cord-clamping.  

Unfortunately, the last four things I asked for were against hospital policy.  

When the big day came, I was so full of mixed emotions:  excited to meet my baby, scared of having surgery.  I was blessed with a very sweet anesthesiologist who held my hand as they set everything up and waited for my husband to come in.  I was grateful for the things I had asked for and were able to have, but, looking back, there are other things I wish I had known to ask for but was too in the moment on that day to think to ask for them.  

These are the 5 things I wish I had asked for before my cesarean:

1. Light touch.  I wish I had told my husband just to run his fingers up and down my arm to distract me from what was going on behind the sheet.  It would have been very soothing to this worried mom.
   
2. Facial massage.  In doula training, one of my trainers showed how she just lightly massages her client’s face and scalp during a cesarean and I thought, man, I wish I had thought to ask for that!
   
3. Birth affirmations.  In a vaginal birth, moms will have their partners and birth team encouraging them on with praises and birth affirmations, but in a cesarean, I felt as if I wasn’t doing anything, rather having things done to me.  I felt disconnected from my own birth experience.  I wish I had asked my husband to say loving birth affirmations to me to help me feel a part of her birth.  Things like, “You created this baby.  You are bringing her to this world.  You are providing her with a safe passage to our family,” would have gone a long way in helping me accept my cesarean.
   
4. Baby’s warmer within my view.  After she was born and they showed her to me quickly, they took her over to the warmer to dry her off and suction her nose and mouth, but the warmer was out of my view!  I laid there hearing my baby cry and not only could I not hold her, but I couldn’t even see her.  It was heartbreaking!
   
5. My husband to stay by my side.  Before the cesarean, we decided after our baby was born, he would follow her to the warmer and be by her side since I couldn’t.  What I didn’t realize that meant was I would be left alone on the operating table.  I never imagined how lonely that feeling would be.  Again, I felt like things were being done to me, not me being an active participant.  I felt like a cold slab of meat being dissected.  The anesthesiologists were talking to each other behind me.  The doctors were talking to each other behind the sheet.  My husband was with my crying baby out of my sight.  And I just laid there, alone.  I wished more than anything at that moment to have my husband right there, still holding my hand and talking to me.
   

So for all you expecting moms out there, whether planning or not planning a cesarean, I encourage you to think about what you would want in that scenario, just in case.  Find out your hospital and OB’s policies on cesareans.  Ask for anything and everything you may think you want and see where they stand.  Switch care providers if you don’t feel you will be getting the right environment for your birth. Most of all, know what your options are so you can know what to ask for.  I hope my 5 suggestions may be of some help.  And I hope most of all, that whether you have a cesarean or not, you’ll be prepared, feel empowered, and feel connected with your birth experience because no matter how your baby enters this world, you birthed that baby.  You did it!